Self-sabotage in relationships can be a difficult thing to recognize and overcome. It is often rooted in unresolved trauma from past relationships or childhood experiences, which can lead to issues with trust, self-esteem, anxiety, depression, abandonment, and rejection. These feelings can cause us to unconsciously push away our partners in order to avoid being hurt or rejected. Low self-esteem can also make it difficult to find a potential partner. My team and I define relationship sabotage as counterproductive attitudes and behaviors within (and outside) relationships that prevent them from succeeding or lead people to give up on them.
Being in a self-sabotaging relationship is extremely stressful and an unhealthy bond for both partners. One form of romantic self-sabotage is to choose partners who are simply wrong for you.
Recognizing Self-SabotageThe first step in overcoming self-sabotage is recognizing it. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings when you are in a relationship. Do you find yourself constantly worrying about being hurt or rejected? Do you feel like you are not good enough for your partner? Are you pushing them away without realizing it? If so, these are signs of self-sabotage. It is also important to pay attention to your behavior.
Are you constantly criticizing your partner or yourself? Are you avoiding conversations that could lead to conflict? Are you avoiding intimacy or making excuses not to spend time together? If so, these are all signs of self-sabotage.
Overcoming Self-SabotageOnce you have recognized the signs of self-sabotage, the next step is to take action. Start by working on your self-esteem and learning how to love yourself. This will help you feel more secure in your relationships and less likely to push away your partner. It is also important to practice healthy communication skills and learn how to express your needs and feelings without fear of rejection. It is also important to be honest with yourself about what kind of partner you want and need.
If you find yourself constantly choosing partners who are wrong for you, take some time to reflect on why this is happening. Are there certain qualities that attract you even though they are not good for you? Once you have identified these patterns, it will be easier for you to make better choices in the future. Finally, it is important to seek professional help if needed. A therapist can help you work through unresolved trauma and learn how to build healthier relationships. With the right support, it is possible to overcome self-sabotage and create healthy, fulfilling relationships.